That doesn't mean you owe yourself any more misery than you're already putting on your own shoulders. I'm not going to argue with you about the kind of person I think you are and the kind of person you think you are, and I'm not going to tell you that maybe there are things here that can be something else, because that's just going to eventually come off as delaying the inevitable or being in some kind of denial. I do know that everything happens for a reason.
Nothing I say is ever going to make you feel any better.
[ Maybe if she knew more, she'd have something better to go on, but she doesn't, and she doesn't have it in her to ask outright. It makes her feel sad in a way that she hasn't in a very long time, and she's thankful this conversation isn't happening in person. ]
[ She's so nice to him. He doesn't get it. He wants to keep her friendship but at the same time he wants to shove her away so she doesn't learn anything else about him. Is it better to have her hate him for being cruel, or have her hate him what he is? ]
[ It's going to come down, sooner or later. Claire just hopes it doesn't catch her completely off-guard so that she has the fortitude to stand by her convictions. ]
How you feel matters to me. It might not matter to you but it does to me. It's a thing and it makes a difference.
[ So he thinks she deserves better than him. And that she deserves better than getting abuse flung her way for being his friend - which will happen, sooner or later. ]
That doesn't mean you get to push me away because things are hard. Okay?
[ Not that he's doing that so much anymore, and she isn't accusing him, but she can't stand the thought of having to go through that crushing loneliness that creeps in every time she loses someone to something. Death, distance, reality. It freaks her out just as much as it does him. Claire is just better at hiding it. ]
I'll say okay. But I'm also going to tell you that later, if you need to cut your losses and leave, I'm not going to hold it against you. And I hope you don't force yourself to stay because of conversations like these.
Okay, and I'm going to tell you the same thing, that if, later, you need to cut your losses and leave, I'm not going to hold it against you. Things have a way of kind of very rapidly turning to crap with me and the people in my life, and you deserve to be as aware of that as a possibility as I am, but in the meantime I'm not basing whether or not I stick around on how responsible I feel that day. Or overall. Sometimes you are seriously unpleasant but I don't have any knee-jerk reactions to go screaming in the other direction like you seem to think I'm going to develop. I like you. I'll have to make you accept it through a lot of very poorly timed poker games.
Okay. If you want to talk about what happened at the jump this time, you can, and if you don't, that's okay, too. Just let me know that you're physically okay?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I can wish it was different. But it isn't.
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[ Maybe if she knew more, she'd have something better to go on, but she doesn't, and she doesn't have it in her to ask outright. It makes her feel sad in a way that she hasn't in a very long time, and she's thankful this conversation isn't happening in person. ]
Now I don't know what to say.
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[ She's so nice to him. He doesn't get it. He wants to keep her friendship but at the same time he wants to shove her away so she doesn't learn anything else about him. Is it better to have her hate him for being cruel, or have her hate him what he is? ]
I'm trying.
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[ It's going to come down, sooner or later. Claire just hopes it doesn't catch her completely off-guard so that she has the fortitude to stand by her convictions. ]
How you feel matters to me. It might not matter to you but it does to me. It's a thing and it makes a difference.
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[ So he thinks she deserves better than him. And that she deserves better than getting abuse flung her way for being his friend - which will happen, sooner or later. ]
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[ Not that he's doing that so much anymore, and she isn't accusing him, but she can't stand the thought of having to go through that crushing loneliness that creeps in every time she loses someone to something. Death, distance, reality. It freaks her out just as much as it does him. Claire is just better at hiding it. ]
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Okay, and I'm going to tell you the same thing, that if, later, you need to cut your losses and leave, I'm not going to hold it against you. Things have a way of kind of very rapidly turning to crap with me and the people in my life, and you deserve to be as aware of that as a possibility as I am, but in the meantime I'm not basing whether or not I stick around on how responsible I feel that day. Or overall. Sometimes you are seriously unpleasant but I don't have any knee-jerk reactions to go screaming in the other direction like you seem to think I'm going to develop. I like you. I'll have to make you accept it through a lot of very poorly timed poker games.
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All right.
i saw that icon
u were meant 2
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