"And suffering. Mostly alone, because I sure as hell am not what she wants, as much as I'm trying." She doesn't set her utensils down, but she does stab her fork into a piece of food and just hold it there. Like she might be imagining she's stabbing it into his leg for being a moron or something. "I know you have no idea what it was like? But the fact that she's spending time with me means she doesn't want to be alone. And that's not your call to make anyway, is it?" Darcy's brows hike up toward her hairline. Think critically about that, professor.
There are some holes in Darcy's logic. Like if it was Claire's call, she'd say something, and it's not as if they haven't seen each other at all, it's just been awkward and distant between them. Severus hasn't pressed her and Claire hasn't reached out, and if he doesn't know where he stands at least he's still standing.
"I don't think it's strange she'd want to spend time with you." They shared an experience, after all, even if they didn't know it at the time. Darcy's right, Severus has no idea what it was like, but they do. "...It's not as if I don't want to see her."
He feels a bit like he's digesting broken glass, getting that last part out. Severus doesn't want to push her or pressure her - in fact he's downright paranoid about doing so.
"So see her." Darcy finally lets go of her silverware to rest her elbow on the table, her lips pressed into an exasperated line. She's pretty sure she's seen Severus make the exact same face at her before. "We don't know what's going to happen in this place from day to day, let alone jump to jump. Don't set yourself up for regrets, Sev. You've got too many of those already." She can tell. The way he talks about Lily, and her son, among other topics.
Anyway-- He's torn, not sure if he should feel insulted by this prying or not. But it seems to mean well, instead of Darcy being nosy over her own personal curiosity. 'Regrets' gets a raised eyebrow, because Darcy doesn't know the half of it, and maybe she wouldn't be so flippant about it if she knew more about, well, the war, but that would require Severus actually talking about it.
So no.
"It's her call." ... Which isn't a No I'm not going to do anything, it's just also not a dedication of intent. Which, honestly, Darcy shouldn't be expecting.
"It is her call. But she's less likely to ask you to be there. Not because she doesn't want to, but that's just how she is. You've gotta know that by now." Like, seriously? He has to, right? Please? "If I'm completely wrong - which I'm not - she'll more than readily tell you to fuck off, and then you can yell at me for setting you up for failure. Which is not going to happen." If she's being kind of a snot about this, it's only because she's really intense and not sure how to convey that without being more than a little bit obnoxious. Tact has never been one of Darcy's strong suits. More gently, she requests, "Please tell me you'll see her."
Severus has had these thoughts, and more. But what the hell is he supposed to do? It's been months for Claire, alone and hunted, and what does she finally return to? Not home, not her family or anyone familiar, just abandoned dogs and him, who she's only known intimately for about as long as she was lost in the bloody hallways. What a stellar consolation prize.
With that settled, Darcy resumes her quest to eat dinner in record time. "But if you don't," this said around a mouthful of food, because fuck it, "I'm going to track you down and I'm going to..." It's unsurprising that her default go-to threat would be kick your ass, but sometimes she has just enough presence of mind to abort and adjust her course. And that hesitation is neatly covered up by chewing and swallowing her food. "I'm not sure how, but I will find a way to embarrass you. Publicly. Don't make me scheme up how to embarrass you because you know I'm like one-hundred-and-ten percent capable of that."
Wan, slightly sad but only in a distant, bitter way. It looks unnerving, because Severus doesn't smile very much to begin with, making even his genuine smiles (which this really isn't) mildly off-putting.
"There's nothing you can do to me that someone else on this ship hasn't already done tenfold, over and over again."
Oh, damn it. That was exactly the opposite reaction she hoped to inspire. Foot in mouth seems to be Darcy's specialty, and she has no idea what to say to smooth this over this time. He doesn't want her sympathy, she's fairly certain. But still, she mutters, "People are such assholes." Because she'd like to punch in the face whoever did this to her friend. She might get an opportunity.
"Look, I'm just worried about her, and you're obviously worried about her, and I'm worried about you, too." She really would like to hug him right now, but expects he would be the least receptive to that. "And if it turns out I'm totally wrong, I promise not to meddle again." She drops her voice to a low murmur that she's certain he can still hear, adding, "For at least a week."
At length, he picks up his fork again. He's starting to be-- not fine with her prying, here, but at least resigned to it. If it's over now. He'll see Claire, yes, but he would anyway. If he broods about it even more than usual... it was bound to happen eventually.
"So who on your floor was being a prick about bisexuals?"
Darcy's expression is too startled immediately following his question for her to play dumb about it, and she knows it. Instead, she scowls at her rapidly disappearing food and tries to think how best to answer it in such a way as to do damage control.
"Someone who I think was projecting their own issues." That's honest, right?
"So not you." Said in a very Thank you, that answers my question sort of way. Because it does. Maybe it'll come back to bite him in the ass that he's effectively letting it be known that Claire talked about whatever that incident was, but at least it's clear she hadn't named names. It was ages ago, too. He's just very patient.
(This is definitely not the nicest thing Severus has ever done. ASK HIM IF HE CARES.)
That brings her head up suddenly in a snap. "You thought it could actually be me?" Wow, Severus. Wow. Darcy is more than just offended, but actually really hurt. "Claire is my friend. I would never-"
Except she's just said too much. She just revealed that she knows a lot about what happened there, and it's not her place to elaborate, is it? Maybe it is? She just doesn't know. Either way, it doesn't abate the sting from his words, and she just decides to keep her mouth shut. Except to push more food into it.
Not really, anyway. He wouldn't have been so quick to agree to help fix her dress, otherwise. Severus doesn't seem like he's going to pick at the issue-- he did assert the fact that Claire's a private person, after all. She didn't tell him much in the way of detail, so he's not going to try and scry more out. Maybe he was just sore from Darcy digging at him about being a shitty boyfriend and wanted to throw the balance back in his favor. Maybe this kind of thing is why he doesn't have friends at home.
"Well you are in luck," Darcy informs him with only trace amounts of rapidly dissipating bitterness left in her tone, "because I would love to move on to unrelated right now."
She sighs heavily, shakes off whatever lingering annoyance there might be, and offers a small, apologetic sort of smile. "I'm happy to help, okay? Hit me."
Severus gives her an unreadable - but not hostile - look. This is just how he is. Unfortunately.
"Do you think it's of worth to look into the experiences you, and Claire, and others went through? At Smiley's behest. You know Xenogen studies things like that, to an extent. Given my closeness I've been hesitant."
Well, that's definitely a subject Darcy should have an opinion on. And something she probably should have thought of a little bit before now. "What? You mean like test us to see if we've been changed somehow? See what kind of effects the hallways had on us?" Her tone of voice suggests that she's not thrilled at the notion, but trying to keep an open mind.
"I was thinking more of interviewing you about it first. Looking at the conversations you had with the Smiley entity prior to the incidents. I know medical is fond of tests of that nature, but from my cultural perspective..." he trails off, with a shrug. Mages aren't keen on the poking and prodding of doctors. Severus respects the work, certainly, but he remains inherently skeptical of the overall legitimacy.
"You mean you want to figure out why we were chosen." There's something about Darcy's demeanor that shifts subtly, making her seem more reserved than he knows her to otherwise be. She's not the private person that Claire is, and to a fault even, so this may seem out of place.
Then again, she did just spend an indeterminate amount of time in the hallways, presumably alone and terrified, and may be reluctant to talk about it.
"If we're going to talk about this? Then yeah." Darcy doesn't even smoke really, except sometimes in college and right now, definitely. She eats the last bit of her dinner and pushes the plate away from her. Less temptation to just pick up crumbs that way.
Severus untucks a pack from his jumpsuit pocket and holds it out for Darcy to snag one before shaking a coffin nail out for himself. He puts the pack away and snaps his fingers, holding out a little magical flame for her to light off of. His own taken care of, he flicks his hand to dissipate it, and sits back in his chair.
"We're not talking about it," he reminds her after a moment. "You're just offering your opinion on if we should."
Darcy takes a quick puff on her cigarette like a test, then tips her head back to blow the smoke into the air. She contemplates what she wants to say while she watches those tendrils curl toward the ceiling and disappear. "I think... I don't know why I was chosen, so maybe it would help to talk to the others. Establish a pattern. But I don't know if I want to talk about what happened to me out there. Maybe the others don't either. So I'm not sure if it would do you too much good, but..."
A shrug, and a look that says what'cha gonna do? "Can't hurt to ask people to come forward anyway. You should talk to Ryuuzaki. I know he'd be interested in helping sort the data." That she's reducing accounts of disappearances into the hallways as data really speaks to how much she's trying to divorce herself from it. It's easier to handle if it's something separate and apart from her. It probably won't help in the long run.
If none of them will talk about it, it'll be a problem - a massive red flag in itself. (But then, he can enlist Charles, Cassandra, even Nuala. Something he's not going to mention to Darcy. Or anyone.)
"Saying you don't want to talk about it makes me think you really should," Severus points out, a little wry. "But we both know I'd be the most bloody awful therapist in the universe, so this isn't me prodding you about it."
"I'm just not ready," Darcy means to assure him. "But I will be." She can't hardly dispense all this advice about how the fuck he should be running his life and not be gracious when he offers his own two cents, can she? Well, she could, but then she'd be a hypocrite asshole, and that's lame.
"He'll appreciate it. I'm sure he'll have more to say about it than I do right now." The inside of her lower lip is drawn between her teeth and worried at for a moment or two. "But, uh... If you wouldn't mind listening when I am ready, I'd like that. You're a good listener."
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"I don't think it's strange she'd want to spend time with you." They shared an experience, after all, even if they didn't know it at the time. Darcy's right, Severus has no idea what it was like, but they do. "...It's not as if I don't want to see her."
He feels a bit like he's digesting broken glass, getting that last part out. Severus doesn't want to push her or pressure her - in fact he's downright paranoid about doing so.
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Anyway-- He's torn, not sure if he should feel insulted by this prying or not. But it seems to mean well, instead of Darcy being nosy over her own personal curiosity. 'Regrets' gets a raised eyebrow, because Darcy doesn't know the half of it, and maybe she wouldn't be so flippant about it if she knew more about, well, the war, but that would require Severus actually talking about it.
So no.
"It's her call." ... Which isn't a No I'm not going to do anything, it's just also not a dedication of intent. Which, honestly, Darcy shouldn't be expecting.
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"It is her call. But she's less likely to ask you to be there. Not because she doesn't want to, but that's just how she is. You've gotta know that by now." Like, seriously? He has to, right? Please? "If I'm completely wrong - which I'm not - she'll more than readily tell you to fuck off, and then you can yell at me for setting you up for failure. Which is not going to happen." If she's being kind of a snot about this, it's only because she's really intense and not sure how to convey that without being more than a little bit obnoxious. Tact has never been one of Darcy's strong suits. More gently, she requests, "Please tell me you'll see her."
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Darcy pls.
Severus has had these thoughts, and more. But what the hell is he supposed to do? It's been months for Claire, alone and hunted, and what does she finally return to? Not home, not her family or anyone familiar, just abandoned dogs and him, who she's only known intimately for about as long as she was lost in the bloody hallways. What a stellar consolation prize.
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With that settled, Darcy resumes her quest to eat dinner in record time. "But if you don't," this said around a mouthful of food, because fuck it, "I'm going to track you down and I'm going to..." It's unsurprising that her default go-to threat would be kick your ass, but sometimes she has just enough presence of mind to abort and adjust her course. And that hesitation is neatly covered up by chewing and swallowing her food. "I'm not sure how, but I will find a way to embarrass you. Publicly. Don't make me scheme up how to embarrass you because you know I'm like one-hundred-and-ten percent capable of that."
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It's probably not the reaction she wanted.
Wan, slightly sad but only in a distant, bitter way. It looks unnerving, because Severus doesn't smile very much to begin with, making even his genuine smiles (which this really isn't) mildly off-putting.
"There's nothing you can do to me that someone else on this ship hasn't already done tenfold, over and over again."
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She might get an opportunity."Look, I'm just worried about her, and you're obviously worried about her, and I'm worried about you, too." She really would like to hug him right now, but expects he would be the least receptive to that. "And if it turns out I'm totally wrong, I promise not to meddle again." She drops her voice to a low murmur that she's certain he can still hear, adding, "For at least a week."
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(So is Severus, though.)
At length, he picks up his fork again. He's starting to be-- not fine with her prying, here, but at least resigned to it. If it's over now. He'll see Claire, yes, but he would anyway. If he broods about it even more than usual... it was bound to happen eventually.
"So who on your floor was being a prick about bisexuals?"
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"Someone who I think was projecting their own issues." That's honest, right?
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(This is definitely not the nicest thing Severus has ever done. ASK HIM IF HE CARES.)
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Except she's just said too much. She just revealed that she knows a lot about what happened there, and it's not her place to elaborate, is it? Maybe it is? She just doesn't know. Either way, it doesn't abate the sting from his words, and she just decides to keep her mouth shut. Except to push more food into it.
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Not really, anyway. He wouldn't have been so quick to agree to help fix her dress, otherwise. Severus doesn't seem like he's going to pick at the issue-- he did assert the fact that Claire's a private person, after all. She didn't tell him much in the way of detail, so he's not going to try and scry more out. Maybe he was just sore from Darcy digging at him about being a shitty boyfriend and wanted to throw the balance back in his favor. Maybe this kind of thing is why he doesn't have friends at home.
"I'd like your opinion on something. Unrelated."
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She sighs heavily, shakes off whatever lingering annoyance there might be, and offers a small, apologetic sort of smile. "I'm happy to help, okay? Hit me."
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"Do you think it's of worth to look into the experiences you, and Claire, and others went through? At Smiley's behest. You know Xenogen studies things like that, to an extent. Given my closeness I've been hesitant."
'Closeness.' At least he gets it on some level.
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Then again, she did just spend an indeterminate amount of time in the hallways, presumably alone and terrified, and may be reluctant to talk about it.
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Severus notices this, yes. It's not unlike the reasons why he's been giving Claire so much space.
"Your opinion, is all."
He's not interrogating her now, after all.
"Do you want a cigarette?"
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"We're not talking about it," he reminds her after a moment. "You're just offering your opinion on if we should."
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A shrug, and a look that says what'cha gonna do? "Can't hurt to ask people to come forward anyway. You should talk to Ryuuzaki. I know he'd be interested in helping sort the data." That she's reducing accounts of disappearances into the hallways as data really speaks to how much she's trying to divorce herself from it. It's easier to handle if it's something separate and apart from her. It probably won't help in the long run.
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"Saying you don't want to talk about it makes me think you really should," Severus points out, a little wry. "But we both know I'd be the most bloody awful therapist in the universe, so this isn't me prodding you about it."
Just putting it out there.
"I'll talk to Ryuuzaki."
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"He'll appreciate it. I'm sure he'll have more to say about it than I do right now." The inside of her lower lip is drawn between her teeth and worried at for a moment or two. "But, uh... If you wouldn't mind listening when I am ready, I'd like that. You're a good listener."
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