Or you're just going to bounce around on moon shoes. [ Okay so she doesn't really think that, she promises. Meanwhile, one shoe off, and she can do the other on her own. Her socks are thick and dark. No shame in her sock game.] Which will prepare you for hours of fun in your own backyard.
[ Having had the decency to pick up on that flash of doubt, Claire settles back without fear of tracking dirt all over his blanket and reaches for his wrist, which she then uses to steer is hand back toward her knee. She doesn't say anything about it, just hopes that he'll keep it there with her direction. ]
No that actually sounds like something everyone should have to go through as a mandatory exercise. People might get as used to things like the corridors and Smiley and everything else, as much as they ever are, but I don't think anyone stops and thinks too much that we're on something that could break down literally in the middle of space. And then what?
[ 'Bounce around on moon shoes' sounds kind of whimsical, and he wonders if it brings to mind the same mental images for him as it does her. Magic is inherently whimsical, being willpowered. He's thought a lot about space travel done by witches and wizards; it's a point of dismay, still, that the magical world has taken such a back seat. ]
Then all those people who refuse to learn how to contribute get left here to die, I assume.
[ Bouncing around on moon shoes is kind of whimsical, but not the same way in which making letters appear in the air or transfiguring paper airplanes into birds is whimsical. Mostly it's whimsical in the way that someone is always going to bounce around too much and end up with a mouthful of dirt and grass, skinned elbows and bruised kneecaps. Lyle springs immediately to mind.
She leans in conspiratorially, looking up at Severus from under her brow, and finishes the thought that she'd had a moment ago. ]
And then they eat each other. Space cannibals.
[ Apparently following the previous conversation, she is incapable of bringing anything remotely serious to the table. ]
That could be a factor behind the theory that we all mutate into manticores, [ he says, equally conspiring. ] Diseases that burn holes in the brain are transmitted primarily by humans consuming the matter of other humans, mostly anything tainted with spinal fluid.
[ Well, okay, she was trying to be hilarious but as per usual the result just ends up with her giving him a flat look. The last thing she wants to think about is the former crew or anyone else actually eating each other when she doesn't have to, but Claire supposes she is the one who brought it up. She can't even spare a thought of 'what if' regarding her own brain and her immunity to diseases because... well. ]
You know, for the record - [ She extends her index finger toward him to make a point. ] - I was actually joking. [ It would make sense, though, in a disturbing, disgusting, horrifying sort of way. Claire makes a face and offers an exaggerated shudder, makes a noise that sounds like eugh. ] I don't wanna think about it. Way too easily possible in this place.
[ On the one hand, he is too smart to be joking. On the other hand, he is too smart not to be joking. The result ends up being Claire leaning back and fixing him with a suspicious look. ]
I'm onto you. [ And also she doesn't think that he is joking. The idea sounds familiar, like she heard it somewhere once before and got rid of it because it's easier to think of the manticores like actual monsters and not warped and distorted version of people who walked and talked and smiled and sat together just like they are. ] I do like the internship idea. I was thinking about maybe talking to some department heads and seeing what they thought of it, maybe putting some kind of program in place.
[ Still with the shifty eyed look in his direction. ]
[ He squeezes her knee lightly, the ends of his fingertips just managing to curl under the joint there. Indeed, she is onto him, isn't she. ]
Flight crew and medical would do it. Agriculture too, even if I have to shove Ned about it. [ Is he friends with Netherlands now? Who knows. Maybe. ] You're on your own with security.
Personally I don't have any interest in security. They probably have enough people on their staff to manage without adding someone else to the roster. [ Not only that, but it feels like more of a preventative position when she's interested in being more proactive. ] But I mean... overall, getting all the departments in on that kind of a program. It's just a thought. There would have to be someone in charge of overseeing all of it, like some kind of admissions officer, or an adviser. I had one in college, and he helped me pick out classes and stuff like that. It would just mean all the departments would need to be interested in it. I don't know. I'm just rambling.
[ She is just rambling, enough that her side-eye has dropped and she's not even looking at him anymore so much as a very interesting spot on the opposite wall, the bedspread, and the desk. ]
Mm. Vital functions of the ship are what I'd said to Nathan and Clara. [ Clara, he's pretty sure was scared off by his attitude about not wanting to coddle people. Nuala seemed entertained that Nathan never warned anyone about him. Oh well. ] Security wouldn't qualify.
[ He exhales. ] Support staff should be doing it, but who knows what they're up to. The bloke who runs it seems like he prefers to stay quiet.
[ Who would be scared off by him? That's absurd. ]
I don't think I even know who's in charge of support staff. I just assuming they're around, supporting things. Structural integrity or something. Holding hands with patients in medbay, fixing computers. Whatever kind of support you're looking for.
[ She probably should know who the head is. It's somewhere to start, at least. Severus is right in believing that she's a lot smarter than she gives herself credit for; it's just the self-doubt that holds her back. She could feasibly do this, though, having been on this side of the line herself, seen how hard it is to get into something when you're directionless. And maybe people don't need to be coddled, but she's probably a hell of a lot more understanding while still managing to be firm than say... people. ]
At least I know one department head I can probably suck up to if I decide to take matters into my own hands.
It's all poorly run. [ He shrugs, which brushes her shoulder slightly. ] Nathan did what he could, but he leant on managing through each crisis instead of shoring up infrastructure in the interim. To be fair, the latter is going to be far more difficult.
[ Severus says this from experience. He expects the other department heads to behave like heads of houses, and for the most part has been disappointed. Gunnery and Agriculture have their shit together, but even Medical is flying blind. Severus has tried to have faith in William, but fucking hell. ]
I don't think you need to suck up to anyone. [ Xenogen isn't a vital ship function, anyway. ]
It doesn't help that we're always between crises. [ Being here is like treading water in the middle of the ocean: no relief in sight and just as soon as your head is above water again, another wave comes and knocks you back down. ] Maybe if there were more people working to make that a reality...
[ She trails off, thinking of Kate and her similar position in being undecided but understanding the need to be somewhere. That, in turn, just makes her feel like more of a storm cloud, so Claire quickly discards the thought. Rather than dwelling, she leans her head to the side until it finds Severus's shoulder, and she drops it there, staring at her socks. ]
Good, because I really hate brown-nosing.
[ But for the record, vital function or not, she still does think it's an important department. ]
If you want to embark on the project, you should. [ After she leans on him, he shifts to make it a bit less awkward, hand still resting on her leg. Everything about it is comfortable, almost bizarrely so for someone really not used to affectionate contact. He's relieved that since this whole thing is happening, Claire is as slow-going as she is about it. ]
I'm sure we can come up with something. A crash course on not being a prick about different species, maybe.
[ Despite her gloomy attitude regarding the subject, Claire laughs, softly, bringing her legs up and curling them so that her knees shift and point toward him. She allows herself the luxury of getting comfortable, being comfortable. It always takes several seconds of undoing with every maneuver. ]
I'll add that to the syllabus. I'm writing one in my head as we speak. [ She taps her temple, one, two. ] Twenty pages later, I'm sure I'll have everything covered.
[ Severus stays where he is but moves his arm, draped across her lap, hand at the other side of her far knee. A distant part of him is fascinated by how bodies can fold together like this, seemingly simple, but so monumental in practice. Sometimes he feels like he's watching from a far-away perspective, and that these are not his hands, not his shoulder. ]
[ That might sound flippant but she genuinely does mean it. Claire has spent a long time feeling directionless and unable to do anything about her environment other than react to it. As a result, having someone who seems to actually believe that she's capable of doing anything other than acting as a human shield or a revival factory goes a long way with her and tends to stick. He's been pushing her, but not in a bad way, not in a way that's going to produce an argument the way her father had prompted her.
She pulls back but doesn't go far, only moving to lift her head enough that she can look at him. ]
I do have one more thing. A question thing. This is dog related, just to prepare you.
[ And they were just getting cuddly no his train of thought doesn't work like that; he's a bit bemused, already having setting himself up to get a warning. Severus wonders if he'd bother with anyone else and their pets.
.. No. ]
Edited (noticed a typo an hour later) 2014-10-06 02:31 (UTC)
[ At least this line of thought might get one of the puppies out of his hair for good, and hers by association. Or ownership. Anyway, don't worry, Severus. She has every intention of settling back into position once she's gauged his reaction. ]
So you know I was thinking of adopting Tug out to someone, since having three dogs is pretty much a nightmare. You think Charles Xavier would be a good choice?
[ Also he totally picked up on this whole situation going on here just... so you know. Good thing Severus is not a mind reader. Not that it matters to her if people know who she spends her time with, but privacy is privacy. ]
[ His reaction isn't very telling either way. Severus's expression, which is always difficult to read, turns only thoughtful. After a moment, ] I think it'd be fine. He could use something to focus on. It'd be a spoiled animal in the end.
[ Severus remembers the lemur. Doesn't bring it up. Instead he asks: ] When did you speak to him?
[ Voice twisting curious. He knows Charles's telepathy is back. ]
[ Which is, ultimately, what she's looking for. She would hate to give Tug to someone that she didn't trust to make sure that he was well cared for considering the food situation on the ship, and she also feels that, given what Charles has said about his perceptions and interactions with Nathan, he should at least be considered in getting to keep something that once belonged to him, even if Tug isn't exactly a something like the bracelet or the coat. ]
I figured as much. Most recently a couple days ago, probably. He mentioned being willing to help with walking them, and Tug especially seemed to like him. I haven't actually brought the subject up to him, outside of saying he could walk them whenever he wanted. [ Claire doesn't edge away any further, but her expression turns careful and carefully curious. ] Told me to tell you hello.
[ The dog isn't inconsequential, and Severus does understand the importance of sorting it all out. He'll be relieved on her behalf that there'll be one less causing chaos for her; maybe two will be less of a complete invasion on her life aboard the ship.
B u t. ]
I don't mind him - or anyone - knowing about us, [ he says after a moment, catching on there without either of them needing to point it out.
Us still feels so strange. ] I also don't think it's anyone's business.
[ Severus doesn't take a tone of finality - the opposite, he sounds like he's waiting for her input. At this point he's sure he doesn't have to inform her that he's not ever going to be comfortable with public displays of affection. They're both private people. ]
[ Two is still a lot of work as it is, and regardless of who cares for which animal, Claire is always going to feel a personal sense of responsibility for them. If it ever got back to her that she had let one of the animals out of her immediate sight and something happened to them, the amount of blame she would feel would be insurmountable, but it's a paranoia she's going to have to put behind her. She can't do it all on her own, and she recognizes that.
That leaves her with the other topic, something she is pretty quick to agree with him about. ]
I don't think that it's anyone's business either.
[ Having it pointed out in that way wasn't her favorite method, but she hadn't been angry. She still isn't. It's just the way things are, the way that they work. It's hardly the worst thing Charles could have gleaned from their encounter, and Severus's reaction and response provides her with enough of a reassurance and confirmation of what she had thought following her door closing behind Charles' back that she feels confident in finding his hand wherever it has gone and slipping her fingers between his. ]
But I don't care if anyone else knows about what's going on. I'm not going to print fliers or anything - [ So don't worry about that. ] - but I'm not gonna pretend like our relationship is a secret either.
[ That is such a heavy R word when used in context, but she's not alarmed by its placement or existence. At some point, the idea that acknowledging it for what it was meant making it real just stopped mattering. ]
[ Relationship is a terrifying word. Severus isn't afraid of commitment - he doesn't do anything easy, that's just him - but the concept, the construct of this in particular, isn't something he ever considered except in the abstract. Serious, casual, anything. And even those daydreams were so long ago.
It opens so many unknown doors. Not all of them good. (Some of them good. He's not sure which is more unsettling to think of.)
Still, he squeezes Claire's hand. ]
That sounds fine. [ Not actively hiding, but neither wearing a banner about it. Easing into the situation. A frisson nervousness still clings to him, but it's one that will take ages to fully dispel. If at all. ] I've never done this before.
[ Claire isn't at all surprised to hear that, at least in its conceptual sense. Though she's gotten used to him telling her things about himself she never expected to hear, it's always a little surprising to hear them all the same, to be trusted with that level of information. Maybe because she herself has such a difficult time giving anybody anything about herself that the payoff when she's able to is more than she anticipates, sometimes not even what she anticipates.
They're never good things, what he tells her, but they're good in giving her perspective, and maybe they seem like arbitrary admissions to him - maybe not - but she doesn't think of it that way. ]
Not once?
[ She doesn't ask it with any degree of incredulity, just a measure fact checking. It's still a little weird to think that she has more experience than him, never mind how little experience it actually is, at least in terms of actual relationships. Throwing that word in there, too - relationship - is such a silent and careful way of testing his definitions of what's going on here without forcing Claire to lay herself bare in having to come right out and ask. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Having had the decency to pick up on that flash of doubt, Claire settles back without fear of tracking dirt all over his blanket and reaches for his wrist, which she then uses to steer is hand back toward her knee. She doesn't say anything about it, just hopes that he'll keep it there with her direction. ]
No that actually sounds like something everyone should have to go through as a mandatory exercise. People might get as used to things like the corridors and Smiley and everything else, as much as they ever are, but I don't think anyone stops and thinks too much that we're on something that could break down literally in the middle of space. And then what?
[ Probably cannibalism, she thinks. ]
no subject
Then all those people who refuse to learn how to contribute get left here to die, I assume.
[ He leaves his hand where she puts it. ]
no subject
She leans in conspiratorially, looking up at Severus from under her brow, and finishes the thought that she'd had a moment ago. ]
And then they eat each other. Space cannibals.
[ Apparently following the previous conversation, she is incapable of bringing anything remotely serious to the table. ]
no subject
That could be a factor behind the theory that we all mutate into manticores, [ he says, equally conspiring. ] Diseases that burn holes in the brain are transmitted primarily by humans consuming the matter of other humans, mostly anything tainted with spinal fluid.
no subject
You know, for the record - [ She extends her index finger toward him to make a point. ] - I was actually joking. [ It would make sense, though, in a disturbing, disgusting, horrifying sort of way. Claire makes a face and offers an exaggerated shudder, makes a noise that sounds like eugh. ] I don't wanna think about it. Way too easily possible in this place.
no subject
[ He isn't. That's real! And. Somewhat related to necromancy, which he's studied, and done a bit of.
Let's move on. ]
But you like the internship idea.
no subject
I'm onto you. [ And also she doesn't think that he is joking. The idea sounds familiar, like she heard it somewhere once before and got rid of it because it's easier to think of the manticores like actual monsters and not warped and distorted version of people who walked and talked and smiled and sat together just like they are. ] I do like the internship idea. I was thinking about maybe talking to some department heads and seeing what they thought of it, maybe putting some kind of program in place.
[ Still with the shifty eyed look in his direction. ]
no subject
Flight crew and medical would do it. Agriculture too, even if I have to shove Ned about it. [ Is he friends with Netherlands now? Who knows. Maybe. ] You're on your own with security.
no subject
Personally I don't have any interest in security. They probably have enough people on their staff to manage without adding someone else to the roster. [ Not only that, but it feels like more of a preventative position when she's interested in being more proactive. ] But I mean... overall, getting all the departments in on that kind of a program. It's just a thought. There would have to be someone in charge of overseeing all of it, like some kind of admissions officer, or an adviser. I had one in college, and he helped me pick out classes and stuff like that. It would just mean all the departments would need to be interested in it. I don't know. I'm just rambling.
[ She is just rambling, enough that her side-eye has dropped and she's not even looking at him anymore so much as a very interesting spot on the opposite wall, the bedspread, and the desk. ]
no subject
[ He exhales. ] Support staff should be doing it, but who knows what they're up to. The bloke who runs it seems like he prefers to stay quiet.
no subject
I don't think I even know who's in charge of support staff. I just assuming they're around, supporting things. Structural integrity or something. Holding hands with patients in medbay, fixing computers. Whatever kind of support you're looking for.
[ She probably should know who the head is. It's somewhere to start, at least. Severus is right in believing that she's a lot smarter than she gives herself credit for; it's just the self-doubt that holds her back. She could feasibly do this, though, having been on this side of the line herself, seen how hard it is to get into something when you're directionless. And maybe people don't need to be coddled, but she's probably a hell of a lot more understanding while still managing to be firm than say... people. ]
At least I know one department head I can probably suck up to if I decide to take matters into my own hands.
[ Hello, you. ]
no subject
[ Severus says this from experience. He expects the other department heads to behave like heads of houses, and for the most part has been disappointed. Gunnery and Agriculture have their shit together, but even Medical is flying blind. Severus has tried to have faith in William, but fucking hell. ]
I don't think you need to suck up to anyone. [ Xenogen isn't a vital ship function, anyway. ]
no subject
[ She trails off, thinking of Kate and her similar position in being undecided but understanding the need to be somewhere. That, in turn, just makes her feel like more of a storm cloud, so Claire quickly discards the thought. Rather than dwelling, she leans her head to the side until it finds Severus's shoulder, and she drops it there, staring at her socks. ]
Good, because I really hate brown-nosing.
[ But for the record, vital function or not, she still does think it's an important department. ]
no subject
I'm sure we can come up with something. A crash course on not being a prick about different species, maybe.
no subject
I'll add that to the syllabus. I'm writing one in my head as we speak. [ She taps her temple, one, two. ] Twenty pages later, I'm sure I'll have everything covered.
no subject
I think it should go over well, coming from you.
no subject
[ That might sound flippant but she genuinely does mean it. Claire has spent a long time feeling directionless and unable to do anything about her environment other than react to it. As a result, having someone who seems to actually believe that she's capable of doing anything other than acting as a human shield or a revival factory goes a long way with her and tends to stick. He's been pushing her, but not in a bad way, not in a way that's going to produce an argument the way her father had prompted her.
She pulls back but doesn't go far, only moving to lift her head enough that she can look at him. ]
I do have one more thing. A question thing. This is dog related, just to prepare you.
no subject
[ And they were just getting cuddly no his train of thought doesn't work like that; he's a bit bemused, already having setting himself up to get a warning. Severus wonders if he'd bother with anyone else and their pets.
.. No. ]
no subject
So you know I was thinking of adopting Tug out to someone, since having three dogs is pretty much a nightmare. You think Charles Xavier would be a good choice?
[ Also he totally picked up on this whole situation going on here just... so you know. Good thing Severus is not a mind reader. Not that it matters to her if people know who she spends her time with, but privacy is privacy. ]
no subject
[ Severus remembers the lemur. Doesn't bring it up. Instead he asks: ] When did you speak to him?
[ Voice twisting curious. He knows Charles's telepathy is back. ]
no subject
I figured as much. Most recently a couple days ago, probably. He mentioned being willing to help with walking them, and Tug especially seemed to like him. I haven't actually brought the subject up to him, outside of saying he could walk them whenever he wanted. [ Claire doesn't edge away any further, but her expression turns careful and carefully curious. ] Told me to tell you hello.
no subject
B u t. ]
I don't mind him - or anyone - knowing about us, [ he says after a moment, catching on there without either of them needing to point it out.
Us still feels so strange. ] I also don't think it's anyone's business.
[ Severus doesn't take a tone of finality - the opposite, he sounds like he's waiting for her input. At this point he's sure he doesn't have to inform her that he's not ever going to be comfortable with public displays of affection. They're both private people. ]
no subject
That leaves her with the other topic, something she is pretty quick to agree with him about. ]
I don't think that it's anyone's business either.
[ Having it pointed out in that way wasn't her favorite method, but she hadn't been angry. She still isn't. It's just the way things are, the way that they work. It's hardly the worst thing Charles could have gleaned from their encounter, and Severus's reaction and response provides her with enough of a reassurance and confirmation of what she had thought following her door closing behind Charles' back that she feels confident in finding his hand wherever it has gone and slipping her fingers between his. ]
But I don't care if anyone else knows about what's going on. I'm not going to print fliers or anything - [ So don't worry about that. ] - but I'm not gonna pretend like our relationship is a secret either.
[ That is such a heavy R word when used in context, but she's not alarmed by its placement or existence. At some point, the idea that acknowledging it for what it was meant making it real just stopped mattering. ]
no subject
It opens so many unknown doors. Not all of them good. (Some of them good. He's not sure which is more unsettling to think of.)
Still, he squeezes Claire's hand. ]
That sounds fine. [ Not actively hiding, but neither wearing a banner about it. Easing into the situation. A frisson nervousness still clings to him, but it's one that will take ages to fully dispel. If at all. ] I've never done this before.
no subject
They're never good things, what he tells her, but they're good in giving her perspective, and maybe they seem like arbitrary admissions to him - maybe not - but she doesn't think of it that way. ]
Not once?
[ She doesn't ask it with any degree of incredulity, just a measure fact checking. It's still a little weird to think that she has more experience than him, never mind how little experience it actually is, at least in terms of actual relationships. Throwing that word in there, too - relationship - is such a silent and careful way of testing his definitions of what's going on here without forcing Claire to lay herself bare in having to come right out and ask. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)