[ While he's talking, she draws both of her feet up onto the bed, shoes and all, to fold her legs in front of her, twisting them into each other. Sorry about your sheets, Severus, but at least she hasn't stepped in anything recently. ]
Right, because saying no to someone automatically means there's something weirdly wrong with you.
[ She doesn't roll her eyes but her tone is saturated in enough disdain and sarcasm that it's effective without it. It's a kneejerk kind of resentment, and Claire has the instinct to ask who it was but resists that urge in the off-chance that he would tell her. That part of her is hardly buried, it bubbles to the surface enough as it is, and if she knew who it was there is no accounting for the number of dirty looks and stink eyes she would seek them out just to throw. ]
Or you have to qualify it. All these stipulations. And people can just make the decision for you. Lack of no doesn't mean yeah go ahead with whatever it is you want to think.
I'm sure you get it more than I do. [ A little wry ha ha ha men. Severus has that strange awareness with it, but still declines to inspect why; he slips away from acknowledging all of that through the power of denial and having been a teenager in the seventies. ]
Are other women that way? [ With. Her. Is that a weird question? It seems like a weird question. But weird questions feel like a better avenue than being annoyed over people being pricks. ]
[ He's probably right, but that doesn't change fact. She's had enough experience down that street to completely embitter her to a lot of things but she doesn't let it drag her down. Her immediate response to that comment is a shrug, which goes well with his question, too. It's kind of a weird question. Still she finds that she doesn't have as much difficultly in answering it for him as she might someone else. ]
That doesn't change the fact that you do. In my experience, it's primarily been men, but I honestly don't know. I mean, I don't have a lot of experience. Gretchen was kind of up in my face about it, but not in a bad way. [ She'd been taken aback at the time, and kind of annoyed that she wouldn't drop it at first, but after examining it under a microscope it hadn't been anything like what Severus is describing. ] I want to say that women are obviously the superior gender, but I think that's a little too biased on my part.
[ Make a joke, Claire, that'll make everything better. ]
[ Because she's sitting on his bed, because he likes her, because he blankly said he and Lily grew apart instead of going on a rant about her like everyone else from his world. Because his father hit him and his mother was only an enabler.
He hasn't actually said he's got any sort of alternative sexual identity and, well, maybe he doesn't. It's tragically unusual for him to just not give a fuck as it is. ]
[ It doesn't even register with her to ask or assume, obviously. It took her how long to admit it to herself and how long and under what circumstances to talk about it with anyone else. She's fine with it now, and growing finer with it all by the moment, as her irritation starts to simmer again. In the long run, it isn't going to matter anyway.
Claire draws her shoulders up and takes a deep breath in, expels it and pinches the scarf between thumb and forefinger as she tests the softness of the material. ]
I feel better. [ Matter-of-fact, not as a revelation. ] I think it's out of my system.
Good. [ Really. It's a good thing. Severus doesn't know how much he helped, really, or if he was just a vehicle for her to talk at. That's fine. Better than there being something he's supposed to say and inevitably fuck up. ]
You can come by whenever you want to, [ he tells her, and Severus is shamefully proud of himself when it doesn't sound forced. It's not that he doesn't want her to, but it's all very new. Severus is such a private person - adjusting will be an ongoing project. ] I mean, you'd have better luck finding me in the labs, but it's still fine.
To be honest, I was kind of surprised you weren't down there when I messaged you initially.
[ She leans forward like she might nudge him a little, but just ends up balancing her elbows on her knees and letting the scarf drop into the circle of her legs. Not that she doesn't prefer coming up here to find him, or would mind at all going down to the labs to do the same, for that matter, but she's generally a private person and while they're both getting used to the idea of being around each other in a different capacity, the less eyes the better. ]
Clearing my head. I suppose I'm used to weekends off, after all.
[ Ha, ha. He still lives at the school, still manages all those students, seven days a week. But anyway, he does need to recharge and reorient himself every so often - he doesn't see it as being too weak to carry on, he sees it as practical. Severus would be useless if he worked himself to death all the time. ]
[ Claire finds that hard to believe. Being head of a department on the Tranquility notwithstanding, she is aware that caring for children is a twenty-four-seven job, and in her mind that just amounts to one child, let alone seven groups with various ages. With the scant amount of responsibility she feels that she has revolving around her occupation here, she can imagine the need to recharge for anyone in his position. She doesn't envy him that. ]
Considering how nice it feels to get away from three dogs and a bunch of plants for a little while, I think you've more than earned a break.
Still not settled into agriculture? [ He's not hugely surprised. She seems like she'll find what she likes doing when it's her idea, not his. That's fine-- he's satisfied enough having prodded her into giving something a shot.
Severus sits back to lean on the bulkhead wall that his bed is shoved against, one heel caught on the edge of the cot. ]
[ Claire shrugs and makes a noncommittal noise, unwinding her ankles so that she can rearrange herself until she is sitting next to him properly. Once settled, she folds her legs up again. ]
I don't know. It's fine for a job. No one loves their first job, right? I might go down to medical and see if there's something there I don't like better. [ That of course is taking Peter's cue, but she figures trying on different hats isn't necessarily a bad thing. ] I still like the idea of doing like... internships with other departments. I don't know why that's not a thing.
[ Belatedly, she noticed her boots on the bed and uncoils her legs. ]
[ Severus leans forward a little - he doesn't have to very much, given how short she is - and starts undoing the laces of her nearest boot, a flicker of a smile on his face. Amused. ]
I suggested that to Nathan, actually. He had someone working on it. Clara Oswald was her name, I believe. I'm not sure if she's still here, she spoke to me about it once and never went through with anything. I got tired of waiting, the Xenogen department is going to go take Carolyn's space training courses.
[ Those are a lot of avenues of thought to focus on at once. Claire just watches his fingers work her shoestrings, getting the toe of the other foot under the heel of the one he's unlacing so that once she's able, she can just kick it off. ]
Nathan never mentioned anything about that to me. [ Just matter-of-fact, an observation. Nathan didn't mention a lot of things to her. Like his supposed girlfriend, although jury is still out on that one. That kind of an opportunity is something she would have seized if a program were in place. Hmm. ] What do Carolyn's space training courses involve?
[ A beat after she asks the question, Claire starts laughing. One hand raises to cover her mouth. ]
I'm sorry, but it sounds like an after school program for kids. Miss Carolyn's Space Training.
Or you're just going to bounce around on moon shoes. [ Okay so she doesn't really think that, she promises. Meanwhile, one shoe off, and she can do the other on her own. Her socks are thick and dark. No shame in her sock game.] Which will prepare you for hours of fun in your own backyard.
[ Having had the decency to pick up on that flash of doubt, Claire settles back without fear of tracking dirt all over his blanket and reaches for his wrist, which she then uses to steer is hand back toward her knee. She doesn't say anything about it, just hopes that he'll keep it there with her direction. ]
No that actually sounds like something everyone should have to go through as a mandatory exercise. People might get as used to things like the corridors and Smiley and everything else, as much as they ever are, but I don't think anyone stops and thinks too much that we're on something that could break down literally in the middle of space. And then what?
[ 'Bounce around on moon shoes' sounds kind of whimsical, and he wonders if it brings to mind the same mental images for him as it does her. Magic is inherently whimsical, being willpowered. He's thought a lot about space travel done by witches and wizards; it's a point of dismay, still, that the magical world has taken such a back seat. ]
Then all those people who refuse to learn how to contribute get left here to die, I assume.
[ Bouncing around on moon shoes is kind of whimsical, but not the same way in which making letters appear in the air or transfiguring paper airplanes into birds is whimsical. Mostly it's whimsical in the way that someone is always going to bounce around too much and end up with a mouthful of dirt and grass, skinned elbows and bruised kneecaps. Lyle springs immediately to mind.
She leans in conspiratorially, looking up at Severus from under her brow, and finishes the thought that she'd had a moment ago. ]
And then they eat each other. Space cannibals.
[ Apparently following the previous conversation, she is incapable of bringing anything remotely serious to the table. ]
That could be a factor behind the theory that we all mutate into manticores, [ he says, equally conspiring. ] Diseases that burn holes in the brain are transmitted primarily by humans consuming the matter of other humans, mostly anything tainted with spinal fluid.
[ Well, okay, she was trying to be hilarious but as per usual the result just ends up with her giving him a flat look. The last thing she wants to think about is the former crew or anyone else actually eating each other when she doesn't have to, but Claire supposes she is the one who brought it up. She can't even spare a thought of 'what if' regarding her own brain and her immunity to diseases because... well. ]
You know, for the record - [ She extends her index finger toward him to make a point. ] - I was actually joking. [ It would make sense, though, in a disturbing, disgusting, horrifying sort of way. Claire makes a face and offers an exaggerated shudder, makes a noise that sounds like eugh. ] I don't wanna think about it. Way too easily possible in this place.
[ On the one hand, he is too smart to be joking. On the other hand, he is too smart not to be joking. The result ends up being Claire leaning back and fixing him with a suspicious look. ]
I'm onto you. [ And also she doesn't think that he is joking. The idea sounds familiar, like she heard it somewhere once before and got rid of it because it's easier to think of the manticores like actual monsters and not warped and distorted version of people who walked and talked and smiled and sat together just like they are. ] I do like the internship idea. I was thinking about maybe talking to some department heads and seeing what they thought of it, maybe putting some kind of program in place.
[ Still with the shifty eyed look in his direction. ]
[ He squeezes her knee lightly, the ends of his fingertips just managing to curl under the joint there. Indeed, she is onto him, isn't she. ]
Flight crew and medical would do it. Agriculture too, even if I have to shove Ned about it. [ Is he friends with Netherlands now? Who knows. Maybe. ] You're on your own with security.
Personally I don't have any interest in security. They probably have enough people on their staff to manage without adding someone else to the roster. [ Not only that, but it feels like more of a preventative position when she's interested in being more proactive. ] But I mean... overall, getting all the departments in on that kind of a program. It's just a thought. There would have to be someone in charge of overseeing all of it, like some kind of admissions officer, or an adviser. I had one in college, and he helped me pick out classes and stuff like that. It would just mean all the departments would need to be interested in it. I don't know. I'm just rambling.
[ She is just rambling, enough that her side-eye has dropped and she's not even looking at him anymore so much as a very interesting spot on the opposite wall, the bedspread, and the desk. ]
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Right, because saying no to someone automatically means there's something weirdly wrong with you.
[ She doesn't roll her eyes but her tone is saturated in enough disdain and sarcasm that it's effective without it. It's a kneejerk kind of resentment, and Claire has the instinct to ask who it was but resists that urge in the off-chance that he would tell her. That part of her is hardly buried, it bubbles to the surface enough as it is, and if she knew who it was there is no accounting for the number of dirty looks and stink eyes she would seek them out just to throw. ]
Or you have to qualify it. All these stipulations. And people can just make the decision for you. Lack of no doesn't mean yeah go ahead with whatever it is you want to think.
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Are other women that way? [ With. Her. Is that a weird question? It seems like a weird question. But weird questions feel like a better avenue than being annoyed over people being pricks. ]
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That doesn't change the fact that you do. In my experience, it's primarily been men, but I honestly don't know. I mean, I don't have a lot of experience. Gretchen was kind of up in my face about it, but not in a bad way. [ She'd been taken aback at the time, and kind of annoyed that she wouldn't drop it at first, but after examining it under a microscope it hadn't been anything like what Severus is describing. ] I want to say that women are obviously the superior gender, but I think that's a little too biased on my part.
[ Make a joke, Claire, that'll make everything better. ]
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[ Because she's sitting on his bed, because he likes her, because he blankly said he and Lily grew apart instead of going on a rant about her like everyone else from his world. Because his father hit him and his mother was only an enabler.
He hasn't actually said he's got any sort of alternative sexual identity and, well, maybe he doesn't. It's tragically unusual for him to just not give a fuck as it is. ]
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[ It doesn't even register with her to ask or assume, obviously. It took her how long to admit it to herself and how long and under what circumstances to talk about it with anyone else. She's fine with it now, and growing finer with it all by the moment, as her irritation starts to simmer again. In the long run, it isn't going to matter anyway.
Claire draws her shoulders up and takes a deep breath in, expels it and pinches the scarf between thumb and forefinger as she tests the softness of the material. ]
I feel better. [ Matter-of-fact, not as a revelation. ] I think it's out of my system.
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[ Also to just... be around, but that's neither here nor there. Claire hopes that much at least is readily apparent. ]
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[ She leans forward like she might nudge him a little, but just ends up balancing her elbows on her knees and letting the scarf drop into the circle of her legs. Not that she doesn't prefer coming up here to find him, or would mind at all going down to the labs to do the same, for that matter, but she's generally a private person and while they're both getting used to the idea of being around each other in a different capacity, the less eyes the better. ]
Taking a day off?
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[ Ha, ha. He still lives at the school, still manages all those students, seven days a week. But anyway, he does need to recharge and reorient himself every so often - he doesn't see it as being too weak to carry on, he sees it as practical. Severus would be useless if he worked himself to death all the time. ]
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Considering how nice it feels to get away from three dogs and a bunch of plants for a little while, I think you've more than earned a break.
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Severus sits back to lean on the bulkhead wall that his bed is shoved against, one heel caught on the edge of the cot. ]
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I don't know. It's fine for a job. No one loves their first job, right? I might go down to medical and see if there's something there I don't like better. [ That of course is taking Peter's cue, but she figures trying on different hats isn't necessarily a bad thing. ] I still like the idea of doing like... internships with other departments. I don't know why that's not a thing.
[ Belatedly, she noticed her boots on the bed and uncoils her legs. ]
Whoops. I can take my shoes off.
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I suggested that to Nathan, actually. He had someone working on it. Clara Oswald was her name, I believe. I'm not sure if she's still here, she spoke to me about it once and never went through with anything. I got tired of waiting, the Xenogen department is going to go take Carolyn's space training courses.
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Nathan never mentioned anything about that to me. [ Just matter-of-fact, an observation. Nathan didn't mention a lot of things to her. Like his supposed girlfriend, although jury is still out on that one. That kind of an opportunity is something she would have seized if a program were in place. Hmm. ] What do Carolyn's space training courses involve?
[ A beat after she asks the question, Claire starts laughing. One hand raises to cover her mouth. ]
I'm sorry, but it sounds like an after school program for kids. Miss Carolyn's Space Training.
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I assume it's how to not die in the event something goes wrong with the mechanics of practical space travel, opposed to everything else going wrong.
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[ Having had the decency to pick up on that flash of doubt, Claire settles back without fear of tracking dirt all over his blanket and reaches for his wrist, which she then uses to steer is hand back toward her knee. She doesn't say anything about it, just hopes that he'll keep it there with her direction. ]
No that actually sounds like something everyone should have to go through as a mandatory exercise. People might get as used to things like the corridors and Smiley and everything else, as much as they ever are, but I don't think anyone stops and thinks too much that we're on something that could break down literally in the middle of space. And then what?
[ Probably cannibalism, she thinks. ]
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Then all those people who refuse to learn how to contribute get left here to die, I assume.
[ He leaves his hand where she puts it. ]
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She leans in conspiratorially, looking up at Severus from under her brow, and finishes the thought that she'd had a moment ago. ]
And then they eat each other. Space cannibals.
[ Apparently following the previous conversation, she is incapable of bringing anything remotely serious to the table. ]
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That could be a factor behind the theory that we all mutate into manticores, [ he says, equally conspiring. ] Diseases that burn holes in the brain are transmitted primarily by humans consuming the matter of other humans, mostly anything tainted with spinal fluid.
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You know, for the record - [ She extends her index finger toward him to make a point. ] - I was actually joking. [ It would make sense, though, in a disturbing, disgusting, horrifying sort of way. Claire makes a face and offers an exaggerated shudder, makes a noise that sounds like eugh. ] I don't wanna think about it. Way too easily possible in this place.
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[ He isn't. That's real! And. Somewhat related to necromancy, which he's studied, and done a bit of.
Let's move on. ]
But you like the internship idea.
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I'm onto you. [ And also she doesn't think that he is joking. The idea sounds familiar, like she heard it somewhere once before and got rid of it because it's easier to think of the manticores like actual monsters and not warped and distorted version of people who walked and talked and smiled and sat together just like they are. ] I do like the internship idea. I was thinking about maybe talking to some department heads and seeing what they thought of it, maybe putting some kind of program in place.
[ Still with the shifty eyed look in his direction. ]
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Flight crew and medical would do it. Agriculture too, even if I have to shove Ned about it. [ Is he friends with Netherlands now? Who knows. Maybe. ] You're on your own with security.
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Personally I don't have any interest in security. They probably have enough people on their staff to manage without adding someone else to the roster. [ Not only that, but it feels like more of a preventative position when she's interested in being more proactive. ] But I mean... overall, getting all the departments in on that kind of a program. It's just a thought. There would have to be someone in charge of overseeing all of it, like some kind of admissions officer, or an adviser. I had one in college, and he helped me pick out classes and stuff like that. It would just mean all the departments would need to be interested in it. I don't know. I'm just rambling.
[ She is just rambling, enough that her side-eye has dropped and she's not even looking at him anymore so much as a very interesting spot on the opposite wall, the bedspread, and the desk. ]
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